I Am Selfish

That's how I feel right now.

My son's good friend, who is a girl,  only 17, has bone cancer. She has had her entire hip bone removed and replaced. She has been "cured" and relapsed several times in her short life. Her mother and brother both died of cancer. She is in the ER tonight. She doesn't want to live with cancer anymore. She doesn't want to live. I feel so overwhelmed with hurt for her. I feel selfish for ever entertaining a thought of the same. She has every reason in the world to feel that way. What ever was my reason?  I wish I could take away her cancer and her pain. I hate her cancer for her. Why?  It just isn't fair. Why?  It makes me feel like an idiot for ever hurting. I am sad.

My View.

This is my view right now. I'm buried in boxes!  The movers come tomorrow with the truck to get all he boxes they packed. It is getting tiresome already. And today is the last day for me to use the washer and dryer so I'm having a laundry fest.

I'm on my phone as the computer us packed so bear with me!! 

Awry!

Can we say "Why do these things happen when we move?"  Oh yes, the wonderful unexpected stress!

My daughter dislocated her knee yesterday doing cartwheels on the trampoline.  She landed on it wrong and right out of place it went.  I thought "Oh it will just hurt for a while and be sore but fine." -Because I have a "trick knee" and I thought it was just like that. In and out and sore but ok... Nope, it started swelling to the size of a large grapefruit.... and this is large on a tiny 14 year old girl with not an ounce of extra pounds on her! So to the ER we went...  she has damaged the tissue around it!  She is in a brace and on crutches for 4-6 weeks and I have to take her back to the Ortho. Doctor next week and then as soon as we get to Georgia for either physical therapy or God knows what if it doesn't seem to be healing the right way!  Luckily she is not in much constant pain, they gave her Tylenol with codeine and Motrin. She INSISTED on going to school today, the only child in the world who LOVES school and can not miss a day under any circumstances...according to her. The doctor said let her if she wants! Crazy child of mine!

I am trying to be calm!  But inside I am a mess!! Ugh!  I pray nothing else happens before we move! I should have known though.... something always goes awry at the best times!♥

Oh Boy...

Here we go.  The movers are coming on Thursday to start packing!  I am only going to live in this house a few more days!! Uh! I am scared and excited and everything rolled up into one. We brought the camper to the house today, we are going to stay in it until we find a place to live in Georgia. Don't worry, it's not like "camping"!!  It's like a mini home.  So I am good.  It will still be a bit stressful all being so close under one roof, but we have done it before and it was fine.

I have a million and one things to do still.  My lists never end! And as soon as one might, I add to it.  Thank God we have movers to do all the stressful packing!!  Thank God the military pays for that.  That is just too much for me. I have done it before and it is NO fun!!  I like them to do it, thank you very much!

I need to really keep a hold of as much simplicity in craziness as I can this week.  If I start to feel stressed, I need to step back for a minute and chill.  It is going to be a challenge.

I will have my ipad as I move, so I should be able to update the blog from it.  It will help keep me sane!  You all help keep me sane!

Another thing I plan on trying my best to do... Don't sweat the small stuff!!  I have thoughts of going through every drawer and every cabinet and cleaning and rearranging before the movers get here, but I know that is just NOT practical, or really necessary!  So I will be trying to resist that urge as much as possible.  I keep telling myself, "I am clean. The house is clean. They don't care if there is one thing out of place or a spoon where the forks are supposed to be... " Hopefully it will work!!

I will try to take hot baths and breath in and out!  And I will try not to run and hide when they are in the house packing.  I will feel uneasy but I know I am going to feel that way, and I know that I just will have to deal with it.  Funny what we 'know' sometimes, wish my brain would follow along with it though.

Oh well... I just wanted to update.  Send me good thoughts and prayers!!♥

(Can you tell I was typing and thinking this all in super fast motion??  My mind is on blitz right now!)

An Article So Worth Reading

An Article So Worth Reading

Activist Aaron Swartz's suicide sparks talk about depression - Jan. 14, 2013

Manic

I feel manic today. I am giddy and jumping around and unsettled and talkative and ready to something or anything or all things.  Other than that my brain is a blank. Just thought I'd share. Weird!

Headache-schmedache

I have a headache, but I am thinking of you all! Have a great weekend!♥

They're Here...

Sounds like a reference to poltergeist, but alas it is a reference to the guy who is taking an inventory for our move.

This makes me ULTRA UNCOMFORTABLE!  I am a very private, socially disinclined person.  So I like to keep my stuff to myself.  Having someone come in and go through my stuff...not a nice feeling. He seems like a nice guy, but... I don't like it.  And I will be even more uncomfortable when they come to pack it.  I am even bowing out of the process by letting my husband trail with him through the house. Ugh.  It literally makes me sick to my stomach.  And what's to boot is my husband is a conversationalist, so it takes a bit more time to get it done than it would with someone like...me.  Someone who might push the process along as fast as it could go.

Of course, I had to clean everything yesterday so in my mind it would appear that I am not some horrendous slob, even though, I'm not.  I had to make sure everything was in it's place and clean to me.  A long process.  And after he leaves I will worry about what he thought about the house, what he thought about how clean or dirty it was to him.  It is a horrible thought process for me.  I hate my babbling mind sometimes!!

We also got the dates for the day they come to pack everything and the day they come to load everything.  A few days before I thought. That puts me a bit off kilter, too. Moving... I am stressed to the max at this moment. All my buttons are being pushed and my heart is pounding. I will be happy for it to be over. ♥

Starting to Stress

Yes, I know stress is a natural side affect of many things... like moving.  But I just want to make sure I don't go over the edge like last time.  I had given a two week notice at work, but I got sick yesterday (cold I guess) and I am being bombarded with thoughts of everything I need to do... every. little. thing.  It can get over whelming. So told my job I was done. There is just too much to do and too much to think about to add anything extra right now. I know... I probably should have stayed the last two weeks, but the last week I would be there is over nights (which I have never done) for inventory.  I just don't think adding that to everything else is healthy for me right now. So...that is that, till I get to Georgia, and then I will find a new job after getting settled in.

I still feel good.... I just feel like I want to stay feeling good.  My thoughts are racing a bit more than usual, but I guess that is going to be "normal" for me.  I have so much to do.  Movers, packing things I want with me right away, getting rid of things I haven't used in forever, checking my daughter out of school, my husband retiring, making sure  pets have what they need to be moved relatively easily, etc.etc....  I keep thinking I have written "the list"  but the "the list" keeps getting revised!