Please know I am not belittling any ones blog posts on trying to recover. I mean isn't that why I am writing this? To find some recovery?
But here is me...I have these disorders, I am living with them, I deal with them, they have come to define a part of me...Maybe I don't think I really need to "recover" from them. I think I am constantly learning better ways to live with them. I take medications to help them. But I mean really, they have become friends of mine. Is that sad to say? I have no idea. -But it is true. They keep me company, I know how I will feel in certain situations and that brings me a sense of familiarity. Am I dispensing bad advice? I hope not. In fact I don't mean to dispense advice at all. I just mean to tell you how I feel. And I don't feel totally distraught having these things in my life! At least not all the time. Yes, there are times I wish I was "normal", I mean, yes, I wish I could carry on friendships in a "normal" fashion, and I wish some thoughts would just go away but maybe I have accepted that they won't. Maybe I will always be this way and it is better to accept than constantly reject myself for feeling these things!
Maybe I AM just this way. Maybe I am.
Maybe I'll feel different tomorrow....it is possible!♥
Dear Shannon, I just found your blog from going on the Beat OCD blog and have been reading over some of your older posts. I enjoyed them! I like how you delve into the big questions without fear.
ReplyDeleteI have OCD, depression and GAD, and my therapist thinks I have some social anxiety, too. Even through I've used the word "recovery," it doesn't quite fit with what I believe about myself, either. It's not like any of these disorders will ever be gone from my life, not completely. I am worlds better than I used to be in the OCD department, but I will always have it. I guess I use the word to mean getting better able to cope with the disorders, but it might not be the best word to use.
I do sometimes wonder what I'd be like or what I would have accomplished without these disorders. But it doesn't do any good. And when I think about it, everyone has something, some kind of burden, that helps shape who they are. Who knows, maybe I wouldn't be the person I am if I didn't have these disorders. And maybe this is who I'm supposed to be.
Well written and thoughtful post. I'm glad I found you! :-)
Thank You! I just read some of your blog and see we have very similar stories and feelings on many things! And I think we were dealt these cards for a reason. And they have formed who we are!
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