I have been thrown back to a time of fear with the tragedy at the Aurora, CO theater. It takes me back to how I felt after 9/11. And I hate feeling this way. I am not sure when I will feel like everything is "normal" again. For some reason these happenings take on such a personal meaning to me. I feel such grief for the loss of these people and their loved ones... and the loss of feeling safe. I have no desire to go to a movie. I even looked around as I was out and about today thinking, what if? What if tragedy were to strike here and now? What if death's time is now? What if suffering came out of no where? What if the world is just not safe enough? The questions could go on forever. I know most would say "We cannot live in fear." But, I do. I do live in fear. I have lived in fear since 9/11. I have wondered what if the semi coming onto base at the same time as me is full of explosives and detonates now? What if the world falls apart and there is nothing I can do? How can I not feel sorry for anyone involved, how can I have a happy moment when there are people suffering? How is that fair?
I guess the answer is, it isn't fair. Life isn't fair.
The more positive side of me would say "You just have to make the most of each moment." That's all we can do.
Is that all we can do??
I think that cherishing our time with our loved ones is a way to honor those who have suffered so much in Colorado. When terrible things like this happen, I try really hard to keep living life normally, because I feel like if I don't, then I am letting evil win. I know it's hard to not be scared. The world is scary. I remember how terrified I was after 9/11. We can also pray for the survivors, and all of the families affected. I too find that it is hard to not take on the pain of others who suffer. I was just telling that to my husband tonight. It's hard to care about someone or something, and not feel their pain. I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now.
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