Hum? Why does this keep playing and playing through my mind? Why is it not natural to love to move? It is for me. I honestly LOVE it. You can remake yourself, you can start anew, and who doesn't like a fresh start? I am sure what she meant by all of it was that people don't like to move because they have to uproot their relationships with people. They feel the pain of moving because they don't have certain people around them anymore. I know that is probably how it is for many of you, but...not so much for me. I have no one important to hold onto, so it is easy to go. But lately I have been thinking about the "big picture" of life. Where is mine going to take me and with whom? My family, my husband and children are with me now. But what about after the kids are gone? It will be me and my husband. Will I drive him absolutely nuts? He makes friends easily and has them when we move and keeps in contact with some. I don't. Maybe I do this to protect myself from hurt? Maybe I do it because it seems like so much work trying to differentiate between what is the right amount of time to spend with a friend or not. She also told me that for most people, relationships come naturally. But to me...they don't.
I don't know where this post is leading me. I guess I am just exploring the thoughts of making roots and developing relationships with people, and why I don't. Maybe because growing up I always felt like the third wheel in a friendship of 3. Or maybe I just don't want to have pain when I move. I don't want to have the pain of saying goodbye to people. Yet at the same time I feel connected to the "place." I don't know. I feel like I am sounding like a bad self help book all the sudden. But, I wish I did know...and even though I might not always want to admit it, I wish I had a friend sometimes. I guess you just get use to being alone. And then you start to feel safe there and then it becomes uncomfortable to move in any other direction. So....any suggestions?
I wish I had suggestions. I tend to want to be alone, too. I have friends, but my closest friends live far away and aren't in my day to day life now. I made my closest friends years ago. So I'm not much help to you! But these are good questions to explore.
ReplyDeleteI'm one who loves to move myself, theres always something exciting about starting brand new, no ties, just new. I've been craving for a fresh start so much. but i would also like to be grounded in where ever im at too. its just trying to find peace, a safe and happy place that warm and inviting. Just have to find the best place to do that :)
ReplyDeleteFor a long time, I had no real close friendships because I think I was protecting myself from getting hurt. My psychologist really encouraged me to take risks and open myself to others. Maybe it's because of all the CBT I've gone through, but I am in a much better place now and I'm starting to develop friendships with multiple people. It was really hard at first, but I am amazed at how positively it has turned out. I'm really glad I did it. I hope you find a good friend. : )
ReplyDeleteI don't have any suggestions since I am still figuring things out myself. I guess what I can say though is I have felt that way about moving. Not because I won't miss people around me or need them in my life, but because I have always been afraid of routine, and the feeling of being 'trapped' or 'stuck' in the same life. I also felt as though starting over was the best thing for me. I got to reinvent myself so to speak or at least hold on to the promise of that. As time has progressed I have realized no matter where I go I am still the same person, and frankly that's not a bad thing at all. It's all about acceptance of who you are. It takes time, but you can get there.
ReplyDeleteI have no suggestions either..I loved moving too. I would disagree with your therapist in that if I hated moving, or even disliked it I would have been one miserable military wife and quite possibly it would have affected how my children viewed moves and passed my misery on to them & my husband- so in my case, and the case of the majority of men and woman who serve our country, it might be nice that we enjoy moving. Our roots were not in the home or area of the country we lived in, but our home was where our family was. But if her message was mainly about building relationships, which I think is healthy, then I am horrible at that. So I can't help you..except to say that I think you are taking a really important step just in exploring and recognizing what you want.
ReplyDeleteWow, you've got a really good conversation going. I think maybe how often you move would factor into your view and experience with moving. I've lived in four basic areas in my entire life, and the thought of moving to a new place, while exciting on the one hand, would scare me on the other. I did move once and start all from scratch, meeting people there that I hadn't known before, not going even with family. It seemed to take me about two years to start to see the results of my "putting down roots." At this point, I might occasionally run into someone I knew at the grocery store, I'd know what stores I liked to shop at, I'd have a basic idea of how to live there. Then I moved back with my family, and it was mostly like restarting, since my previous social connections here were somewhat broken. Again, after two years, I felt like I was really living here. But I have not moved much in my life. I could see it being very beneficial to someone who had to move alot for them to enjoy it. :)
ReplyDeleteAs for friends, my sister once gave me a magnet that said, "It takes a long time to grow an old friend." And that still stands out in my mind when I look at my life now and how I'm working on "growing old friends," and I finally almost have some, but I've lived in this area about 5 consecutive years now, so it really does take me time.