Monday, January 28, 2013

I Am Selfish

That's how I feel right now.

My son's good friend, who is a girl,  only 17, has bone cancer. She has had her entire hip bone removed and replaced. She has been "cured" and relapsed several times in her short life. Her mother and brother both died of cancer. She is in the ER tonight. She doesn't want to live with cancer anymore. She doesn't want to live. I feel so overwhelmed with hurt for her. I feel selfish for ever entertaining a thought of the same. She has every reason in the world to feel that way. What ever was my reason?  I wish I could take away her cancer and her pain. I hate her cancer for her. Why?  It just isn't fair. Why?  It makes me feel like an idiot for ever hurting. I am sad.


  1. Okay, no. Stop. First, there's enough death to go around for everyone. Secondly, saying you shouldn't hurt because you think other people hurt worse than you is equal to saying you shouldn't be happy at all because other people are happier. Every person is different. Every situation is different. Every pain is different. They can't be compared. Why would you believe a neuro-chemical imbalance is less bad or painful than Cancer? Which is worse: Chicken Pox or a broken leg?
    You are not selfish. Don't go there.

  2. You're not selfish, Shannon. You care so much for this young girl and you're hurting over her pain and despair. You're full of compassion. I agree with BipolarBunny--we can't compare our pain or happiness with others'. All people suffer, and we just have to be there for each other.

  3. Oh, Shannon. I'm so incredibly sorry for your son's friend. That certainly IS a horrible situation and my heart breaks for her. I can only imagine how hard it must be for your son.

    But no, you are NOT selfish. You know, we all have things that hurt and make us suffer. They tend to look differently, but pain is pain, regardless of the source. I certainly don't think it makes you selfish that you ever wanted an end to your pain. Who doesn't? It just means that you are normal. Hugs.

  4. Wow, I know this was posted a few weeks ago, but I just stumbled onto your blog and wanted to say that I am so sorry that your son's friend is going through this. She is so young to have to deal with the loss of her mother and brother. She is so young to have to deal with something as terrible as cancer. My heart goes out to her family and you and your son.

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