Sunday, September 16, 2012

I Consider Myself A Rational Person....

Oh wait...not really because OCD throws all rationality out the window.  Doesn't it?  Whether it is making a decision, contemplating thoughts or, dang, going to the grocery store... I tend to go with my first instinct. This is good and bad. I have always heard, "Trust your instincts."  But in OCD is this a reliable statement?  Isn't jumping to conclusions what we do? Or is that something most people do?  But we, with OCD, just seem to examine things over and over in our minds, thinking "Is this normal?"

How do I turn off my feelings?  This is not a task I have managed to learn very well. You feel what you feel... right?  People's own circumstances and life experiences shape their feelings and views on life. Don't they?  I really do try to understand this. I try to understand that though something may not make me feel a certain way, someone else feels a certain way because of their life experiences. And they have the right to feel that way. It is just human nature. Isn't it?

I think this is why I have such a hard time with things on occasion.... I think too much.  My mind becomes a trap of what if's and how comes...and so on and so on.... I strive to be a "good" person but struggle with knowing just exactly what makes someone good enough.

Feelings are very important to me. I guard mine with huge walls...I guard my heart. I can't take pain. It is too much for me.  Rational-smashtional....

Do you deal with this? Is this normal human emotion or OCD?


  1. Oh, yeah, I experience these feelings. Not sure if it's OCD or just who I am. I tend to overthink, too.

    I love what you say about wanting to be good but wondering what makes someone "good enough." That is so me!

  2. Yes, we OCDers are way over-thinkers! About everything!! Ugh. You know, I think this is a combo of normal human emotion and OCD. And when my OCD was at its worst, I definitely could not trust my instincts about anything

    Through therapy I have not learned to turn off my feelings, I have just learned to tolerate them more, and hopefully not let them drive my decisions. The weird thing is that as I've learned to tolerate them, they are not nearly as upsetting anymore. But, that sure didn't happen over night. Lots of ERPs.

    Oh, and I never feel good enough. Understand that one.