Friday, May 18, 2012

All the Medications I've Ever Taken

I was just thinking today about all the different meds I have ever taken. It's a long list. Starting when I was a teen in high school.  My mom took me to the doctor and described my "mood swings" and they prescribed me birth control pills.  Of all things, they thought I was experiencing PMS!  Makes me laugh, now. PMS that debilitated my daily happenings. Needless to say these extra hormones made me worse!  So I went off of them and nothing else was ever done for me. I was just a "sensitive teen with irritability problems and low self esteem."   
The next time I went to the doctors about it was not until I was 23.  I was diagnosed with Dysthymia, a condition that people are not even aware of but just live with daily. They go through life feeling unimportant, dissatisfied, frightened and simply don't enjoy their lives.  --Yeah, ok.  So they prescribed me the mighty prozac...and it worked. But it turned me into a robot, no feelings, no emotions, no nothing. I couldn't cry if I cut my leg off.  It did not feel like me. 

After that I went on and off many meds, and was diagnosed on and off with many problems. Finally  culminating in a main diagnosis of OCD, and Social Anxiety Disorder, and a bit of depression. But my OCD is more of Pure O.

Purely Obsessional Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (also called Pure Obsessional OCD, Pure-O, OCD without overt compulsions or Primarily Obsessional OCD) is a lesser-known form or manifestation of OCD. For people with Purely Obsessional OCD, there are usually no observable compulsions, such as those commonly seen in those with the typical form of OCD (checking, hand-washing, etc.). While ritualizing and neutralizing behaviors do take place, they are almost entirely in the form of excessive mental rumination. (Wikipedia)

So I obsess. I over think, I over think, I over think.... this can go on for ever. My mind never stops...when I am not on meds. I just think thought upon worse thought, upon worse thought. Round and round. It is a nightmare in real life. Thank God for Anafranil (Clomipramine).

Clomipramine is used to treat people with obsessive-compulsive disorder (a condition that causes repeated unwanted thoughts and the need to perform certain behaviors over and over). Clomipramine is in a group of medications called tricyclic antidepressants. It works by increasing the amount of serotonin, a natural substance in the brain that is needed to maintain mental balance.

That and Xanax have saved my life. Literally!

But back to meds I have tried: prozac, zoloft, celexa, cymbalta, paxil, luvoxx, effexor, welbutrin, norpamine, buspar, klonopin, and ativan.   All of which had side effects I hated, or they worked for a year or two and then stopped. 

Over the past 20 years I have taken a lot of things, to say the least. But I am glad I never gave up.  I feel better now than I have in a long time. Even though everything is not perfect, it is close enough. I still struggle with social anxiety and anxiety in general. But I'm still a work in progress. So I will hope for the best.


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