Sunday, May 27, 2012

My Pure O

Things I suffer with from Pure O:
Harm-Related Obsessions:
Hit and Run OCD
Fear of leading to someones accidental injury or death
Fear of wanting to harm self or others

Religious or Morally themed Obsessions:
Fear of being damned or committing an "unpardonable sin"
Excessive concerns about past mistakes or previous decisions

Obsessions of Acting on an Unwanted Impulse:
Fear of accidentally talking about robbing a bank (while at a bank)
Fear of accidentally talking about terrorism or hijacking (while at an airport)

Obsessions Involving Health or Bodily Sensations:
Hyper-vigilance/ Hyper-awareness of bodily sensations/ getting attention stuck on thinking/ analyzing various autonomic processes (breathing, heart-rate, swallowing, blinking, eye floaters, flickering of the visual field)
Fear of having or developing a chronic, progressive illness (AIDS, HIV, ALS, Alzheimer's, Cancer)

Obsessions Involving "Mental Contamination" or "Emotional Contamination":
Fear that one is destined to complete an unwanted action, and that exposure to certain stimuli will make this more likely to happen (e.g., fear that hearing about famous serial killers will make one commit murder) you can see this is not a small list!  I find it greatly improved with my medications but off medication you can see where this would drive me absolutely nuts!  To combat these when I have felt them, I will pray, count numbers in my head, or say the abc's in my head to keep the thoughts away. I will stick close to my husband because I feel like his presence grounds me in reality, I will ask him to reassure me of things I have or have not done. Etc...

I actually had him read the article last night thinking it would be a great insight or revelation into my mind and he read it and said..."Yep that's you...I've always known all those things!"  He knew?? Funny how we think we live with these obsessions in our minds yet our closest family or friends know we feel this way!  When I read it I thought I was CRAZY!!  Didn't you? 

I will say that sharing these things is scary... I mean, these are my darkest thoughts, that most people keep undercover.  

A friend brought up to me that I might want to think about diet changes and herbal supplements to help. I have a one point...a long time ago tired some of these things, but it did not seem to help.  Although, God only knows I probably didn't stick to it long. I told her I would be interested in learning what she uses for a family member and how it is helping them. But I would also have to consult with my doctor as I would be terrified to stop my meds. And I don't know how or if I could mix the two.  So when I learn more on that I will share it with you all! ♥


  1. Oh, yes, a lot of this is me, too. I have had bouts of hit and run OCD where I thought I was going crazy. It was hard to imagine--it's still hard to imagine--that others have had this weird experience, too.

    And a lot of compulsions that I do--the checking, especially--are geared towards saving others from harm. I used to look at the ground wherever I went, looking for nails or sticks or sharp rocks that could possibly hurt someone. If I missed something, and someone got hurt, then it would be my fault. Or that was my thought process.

    Medication has been a godsend for me, and I wouldn't give it up. I know there are people who swear by supplements, but I don't know the science behind it, and they might interfere with my meds. And some supplements, especially in higher doses, can actually be harmful.

    Have you read Brain Lock by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz? I use his technique a lot. My therapist also recommends it. It has really helped me, along with medication, with my compulsions.

    Thank you for sharing. I do believe that the more we share of ourselves and our battles, the less stigma about mental illness there will be, and people will be more informed.

  2. I will have to look for that book. Although I must admit I have a distaste for reading on peoples "theories" of finding cures. I have no idea why, maybe because they might work? LOL