Tuesday, May 29, 2012

So Now...Da, da, da, da...The Clouds Move In

So after a fun two weeks of blogging and showing everyone how I seem to be fine with my illnesses I am feeling suddenly overwhelmed with sadness. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it is the thought of moving and the stress of figuring out where we should go. Maybe it's my brain weirding out, maybe it is just my "personality"...

This is how it is. One minute I can be fine, the next I am feeling fat, ugly, lonely and depressed. As if fat, ugly and lonely were actually defined as feelings. To me they are. I FEEL fat, I FEEL ugly, I FEEL lonely, I FEEL everything. If there is something I can say I have accomplished in this life, it has got to be feeling the full given range of emotions any one person could feel.

Is that normal? Do you FEEL everything? Is everything you go through and experience a "feeling"?  Others throughout my lifetime seem to have operated on different sets of emotional plains. I FEEL like I am often out of place in a world full of "normal" people. People who can just pick up and move on, into a happier place so easily.  I wish I were wired that way. How that has always been one of my greatest wishes...

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry the clouds have moved in. But if they move in, they can move out. I wish I knew why we can be fine one day, and the next sad. I think worry about things and anxiety can feed the depression.

    It's interesting that you talk about feelings because that's something I'm trying to figure out too. At my therapy session last week, I was saying things like "I feel like they don't think well of me" and "I feel like they don't like me." My therapist got me to dig a little deeper--was that really a FEELING, he asked? What was I FEELING. Ah, I was FEELING angry.