Why do I do this?
<To commiserate with others.
<To make others feel like something is less their fault. (Is that the same as commiserating?)
<To show I am trying to "repent" in an honest way for something I might have done or said wrong.
<To hear someone respond...I take a lot of interest in the way they respond. Makes me feel like I can tell if they are mad at me or not. -Mind reading anyone?
Any ways, I say it at least several times a day. To my kids, my husband, my "friends", acquaintances, etc.
I always have done this for as long as I can remember. I know it drives my husband nuts. But it has become a natural part of who I am. I just say it with out even thinking about saying it. It almost just comes out.
I really need to stop this. I know many see this as a sign of weakness in others. A sign that the person saying it is not as confident and composed as others. But how?
I'm thinking of getting a rubber band and putting it around my wrist and every time I go to say it I will snap the band. I know this is effective for treating other thoughts and actions. Making myself aware of my thought before it becomes my speech. Hum? But then I am afraid I will not say "I'm sorry!" when I should. I mean what kind of situations should one apologize for? Hurting someone's feelings? Spilling milk? Making a mistake? What kind of mistake?
I know this may be elemental to some but to me it turns into anxiety just thinking about it. Like I said, it is a part of me. I guess I should read up on this...any suggestions??
I heard Oprah talk about this once and she said she had an aha moment. Now she said she never apologizes for what another person has done( have you ever done that? I know I have) and has made a point to pause before she says she's sorry to note if it is something she really had control over and if the situation even deserves an "I'm sorry."
ReplyDeleteMaybe just having the "awareness" will help you...it often takes me a long time to even take note of what and why I do something.
I should take a moment before I apologize for something. And I have said I'm sorry for things that weren't my fault! It's figuring out how to remember to take a minute! Thanks!
DeleteHave you ever used the rubber band method? Do you like it? I snapped a rubberband on my wrist one time and it really hurt! I haven't done it since.
ReplyDeleteI probably say sorry too much, too. I wonder if putting it in a phrase when offered in sympathy would help? Like, "I'm sorry you had a bad day," "I'm sorry he did that to you." To me, that isn't claiming responsibility for something but offering sympathy.
I sometimes test the "sorry" for OCD. For example, if I say in a prayer "sorry" more than once, it's probably OCD. Or if I get this horrid, slightly panicky feeling that is out of proportion and shows up for scrupulosity OCD issues, then I know it is probably OCD. Of course, finding out it's OCD doesn't always stop me from saying it, but... I guess I've just not found it to be my biggest issue, so I've overlooked it. Sorry, (oops! there it is! But really, I think it's okay to say it sometimes), that probably isn't much help.
Off topic, but thanks for commenting on my blog! I appreciate it
I think it is the OCD most of the time!
DeleteI tend to do the "I'm sorrys" a lot, too, even for other people's actions.
ReplyDeleteI heard someone say a long time ago to substitute "I apologize" for times when you might say "I'm sorry." That takes the personal out of it but you still take responsibility for doing/saying something that needs appologizing for. I was never able to keep it up, though.
And I'm not sure what to do about the "I'm sorry" when others tell me their problems/worries. I like Abigail's suggestion of saying something like, "I'm sorry you had a bad day."
I need to work on this, too, but the rubberband method sounds painful! Maybe being more aware of it would help, as Krystal said.
I haven't tried the rubber band yet, just seemed like a way to make sure I wouldn't say it after a sting or two!
ReplyDelete