I "feel" everything. I take everything personally, to heart. As in it makes me "feel" certain things about myself. Whether it is meant to or not. And I guess this applies mainly in the negative feelings category. If you are angry around me, I think you are angry at me. If you are sad, I might have done something to make you sad. If you are worried, I might be contributing to you worrying. If you correct me on something I feel awful! I don't take criticism well. Even if it is nice and even if only I take it critically!
I don't know why I am this way. I don't know why I do this. It is hard for me to be around someone I am close to if they are angry or sad. Yet, I get angry and sad and expect these people to understand it is not about them, and be around me. Maybe it is just too hard for me to accept someone else's negative emotions on top of my own? I don't know!
I just hate letting people down. And I guess I feel like I have done this many times in my life. From my parents to my kids and my spouse. I always feel I am the let down. If ONLY I could have done something different then their anger, or sadness or anxiety or criticism would be eliminated or diminished greatly. The more I think about it the less sense it makes! Yet I know I will continue to do this unless I figure out how to stop it or what makes it happen.
And honestly I feel I am alone in this matter. How could anyone else feel this way? Or is this normal? I have no idea, but I know it will take me a while to figure out how not to take everything personally!
.
It is a lifelong battle to learn to distance yourself from all the emotions in the room. I think the most important lesson I have learned over the years is to constantly asses what I am feeling. What MY emotions are. How this situation makes ME feel. So please don't feel alone. It is a battle that I win some days and I loss miserably others.
ReplyDeleteThank you! It is a hard lesson learned...as I have struggled with this for ever and still am. I am trying though, to think before I feel...if that makes any sense!
DeleteI am a lot that this, so don't feel alone. I take things personally and feel responsible for other people's feelings A LOT. Not sure why I do it, but it may be related to growing up with a mother who I had to watch constantly to see what mood she was in. She implicitly and sometimes explicitly blamed me for how she felt. And really--we have no control over how someone feels. None.
ReplyDeleteI think it does come from things growing up too. At the "church" we attended I was constantly being made to feel guilty and feel the need to repent...even going as far as to make things up, because those who repented were praised. So I am sure this is where this comes from somewhat! Thanks Tina!♥
Delete