Friday, June 22, 2012

So Tired Of It

I am so tired of OCD and anxiety. I just want it to go away and stay there. I don't want it. I'll give it away...for free! I am tired of thinking before and after I think. I'm tired of trying to decipher thoughts that are real and thoughts and those that are just my brain being my brain. It is exhausting to me.

I love reading everyone's blogs, but to be honest...I don't know what I am even blogging about. I'm telling you how I feel. That is about it. I love that you all are off on a trek finding new ways to cope with your illnesses through books, meds, CBT, etc... but I don't feel like doing any of that. I just don't!

I don't want to read a book on "Happy, Happy, Sunshine, Joy" and see how "MollySue" is now so much of a better person for following these instructions. I hate reading books on how to be happy!  I don't want to change my meds. It is a pain in the A**!  I don't want to remind myself, to remind myself not to do certain things so I don't feel certain ways. I just want to feel the right way to begin with.

Am I making any sense?  I just want to be "normal"!  That's all I have ever wanted!  Is that too much to ask for?  It's not like I'm asking for a new mansion and a million dollars!

This is when I feel like I might be bipolar... I am up, down and all around. But who knows...Sheesh!

1 comment:

  1. I hear ya! I don't like reading either, I don't find it helps at all. What I try to do, is get outside and do my favorite things with my favorite people. Even if I don't want to. When I'm doing these things, it seems to go away. I can't take meds, and I hate CBT. So, I just roll with it, and try to get outside and do fun things!